ITOFTS #1: CLUBBING

I'm not quite ready for the glue factory (my children may say different), however being in my 4th decade of life, I have now admitted that there are things I cannot do, that I was able to do before with little or no effort.

I CANNOT do the club scene

When I go out (reluctantly), the things turns me off:

• Secondhand smoke, yuck!
• Being cold if there happens to be a line outside.
• The age of the crowd...why do I want to see these skinny ass, trendybeautiful girls, laughing and tossing their hair (be it weaved or natural), wearing 5-in heels on concrete floor as if they're Jesus walking on water???
• Drinks, Hypnotiq and all that other crap. I have 1 drink, a bloody Mary w/xtra olives to soak up the liquor, if I drink -which is maybe twice a year.
• The paranoia attached with accepting a drink from a stranger (JUST SAY NO!). Rape drugs with all kinds of weird names...ur conscious one minute, and the next you're in a tub full of ice, with your kidneys gone! NO thank you!
• Xtacy pills-WHY????
• Rude ass waitstaff, trick do you want a tip or not?!
• Can someone tell the DJ 2 take his nasty mouth off of that mic, so we can understand what he's saying?
• Do you kiss your mama with that nasty ass mouth of yours??
• OMG...it's standard to have a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor?
• Why in the hell is that music so damn loud??
• I don't care if you're 24 years old, I'm not a damn cougar!
• Man you're 60yrs old, why do you have those huge CZ studs in both ears, a huge chain blinged out with CZ encrusted pendant in the shape of a Viagara bottle, and a Crown Victoria with spinners?!
• Sagging pants
• Police sitting in the parking lot and across the street, waiting for you to weave so they can take you to jail-and they can meet their quotas!
• The men. Period.

Members of 'Club Evolution,' what do you dislike about clubs??