ITOFTS #8: Jumping out of bed!

Girl in the picture above is smiling and stretching, but I swear if I stretch too hard, I'll get a damn Charley Horse! Ohhh lawdy, agin' is not for the faint at heart. I remember I thought I was running late, and I jumped out the bed too fast, omg what did I do that for?! My back snapped, I damn near sprang my ankle, the heel of my foot was hurt (due to plantar fasciitis) and I was just overall stiff as hell. I was limping like my mama, all the way to the bathroom.

Shit, now I have to have a pre-wake up before I truly wake up. lol

So as far as jumping out of the bed?? HELL NAWWW, I'm too old for that shit!!

ITOFTS # 7: Settling for less

I don't know people do it. And by 'it' I mean, settling for less. In this post, I'm referring to those who are attracted, married, dating, in lust, love etc with someone that even a cat wouldn't drag in.

I can recount an untold number of stories of women/men who are 35+yrs old who for whatever retarded reason REFUSE to leave a relationship that is dysfunctional, toxic, insane etc.

Women stay with men who cheat, who (verbally, physically, emotionally) abuse them, disrespect them. Men stay with women who abuse, cheat, lie, manipulate, etc and yet they remain faithful.

What is it about these seemingly smart (in all other areas of their life) that would allow them to settle for less in their personal life?!

I can't answer that question, but guess what? I can answer this one: settling for less?? I'm too old for that shit!!

ITOFTS # 6: KISSING ASS

Ass Kissing. Kissing ass. Brown nosing. Simple semantics for they all mean the same thing. The only way I'd kiss ass would be if it was to save my life. However, I'd still get killed because my alleged murderer would know my ass kissing was futile.

I'm a firm believer in if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. I work with people who will sell their dignity to the highest bidder in a heartbeat. I don't know how they do it with hesitancy but they do. I look at them and just shake my head in wonderment. The question that always comes to me is, bitch how is kissing ass going to pay off when our job is union?? You can't get promoted, you can't even do a lateral move, it can't keep you from getting laid off...what is kissing ass going to do for you?

These same ass kissers are those who are quick to play both sides of the fence. I always take them to task and say, how in the hell are you going to talk about management when your lips are stuck to management's ass?? Tell that shit to someone how gives a damn!

Hell no. Kissing ass is not beneficial, as it matter facts imho it makes you suspect to me. I wouldn't trust you as far as I can throw you, and besides that-its just too damn pitiful to watch.

KISSING ASS. We're too old for that shit!

ITOFTS #5: GOING BRALESS

It wasn't cute on Drew Barrymore and it sure isn't cute on me...or any other older woman with enough breasts to fill a bra...saggy bra-less titties.

LOOK...we've had our time and that time has long since passed. Saggy titties belong in a good bra with support. There is nothing cute or sexy about that shit. Even if you can't afford a bra, shelters and other community organizations are willing to provide. Hell, Salvation Army can give you a bra for $2!

As we age our mamms lose elasticity. I've yet to see an older woman pull the braless look off. Remember Barbra Streisand? Swinging titties, flapjack swinging titties are not a sight to behold. My gawd. I'm very busty, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable letting my girls hang loose...I had no problem doing so when I was younger. I'm trying to imagine the look on my son & daughter's faces should if I paraded my 40DDDs w/out support. They'd embarrass the hell out of my ass!! lol

So ladies, unless you're on a nudist beach, camp, or colony, strap on Mother Playtex. You never know whose eyesight you may have saved!! And besides that...YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIT!!

ITOFTS #4: BODY PIERCINGS

"Why yes Dad, those piercings DOES make you look younger!!"





There is no way around this shit. Body piercings done when you're older is just fucking wrong lol I'm not even talking about the extreme piercings either. Once you hit, hell I'd say once you hit 35 getting piercings (for others to see), are a wrap. It's stupid as hell. I had my nose, tongue, eyebrow, belly, 22 earring piercings-which I received between my teens and 20's. I stopped wearing my nose/eyebrow and tongue ring in my early 30's. I took out my several paires of earrings, and I left my belly button in (for myself). I thank the good Lord above for giving me common sense and knowing when to take the hardware out, instead of my children embarrassing me.

Having said that, when I seen women/women in their 40s+ who recently gotten tongue pierced it's says 'I'm desperate' and 'since you won't notice me for me, maybe you'll notice my tongue ring and what it can do for you.' And it just looks pathetic. I'm still trying to wrap myself older people with eyebrow piercings...I know a woman who'll be 64 and she has an eyebrow piercing...she's the only who can carry it off. She's had the piercing so long it's just not noticable anymore. Another exception is older men getting their ear pierced...I LOVE THAT! IMHO it looks sexier on an older man than it does a younger man...unless there's a hoop in their ear the size of a damn pirate's then that simply screams CLUELESS. Private piercings yes, visual piercings (most cases) hell to the nawwww. Leave that shit to the chirren. There's nothing worse than seeing metal stuck thru skin which is now gravitating towards the ground! YUCK! lol

ITOFTS #3: DRAMA

My mama will testify that when I was younger if there was drama in the midst, I was somewhere in the vicinity. I loved drama-mine's or yours-bcuz it broke up the dreary monotony of my day. Family drama (mine's or yours), sibling drama-'don't do it, and see what happens!', domestic drama-'oh no the hell he didn't?!', children drama-'honey, if those were my kids', work drama-'I wish my boss WOULD say that shit to me!!', neighbor drama-'don't 4get bitch I know where u stay!' Hell, drama was drama. I wasn't picky. And adding to that drama is gossip. Bcuz I was in the middle of the drama, I was also privy to the details. lol I couldn't to tell people about the shit that went down...knowing they didn't have a clue.


Now...shiiiit, I'm too old for that shit. I have more pressing issues. I don't give a damn about drama, cuz I'm trying my best to not have any my damn self. I have my very own biological drama queen, my daughter and believe you me...I have and am sowing some shit I have reaped in the past! lol The difference is- with my child...I tell her to get on b4 she get spit on. I'm not getting caught up in living in the past, he-say she-say shit. My answer to drama...SOLVE THE SHIT OR MOVE THE FUCK ON. What the hell are u complaining about if you're not trying to change the shit. Ur man's a damn dog-drop his ass. Ur 25yr old kid is a freeloader-put his/her ass out. Ur boss is a tripp-deal with the shit or find another job. Ur mama makes u mad-tell her how u feel or take a damn break. Shit don't have to be drama...we want to make the shit drama. U want a thug ass nicca, and ur crying cuz bitches are calling his phone...WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? U think the guy you like will leave you if you don't have sex with him?? Well what if he leaves your ass AFTER you sex him?? This isn't drama-u know the answer-MAKE A DAMN DECISION ALREADY.

With age comes wisdom and it's not that damn serious to do drama anymore.

You don't believe me? Then let the spokesperson for No Mo' Drama, Mary J. Blige break it down for you!

Mary J. Blige - New Music - More Music Videos

As far as drama?? I'm too old for that shit!!!

ITOFTS #2: Late Nights, must sleep

Me, after ITOFTS #1

This is in conjunction with ITOFTS #1. There seems to be an inner clock that nudges my ass (when I'm out) that tells me it's time to call it a night. I know that time is 11pm. Regardless of where I am, when that inner voice tells me to call it a night-I know it's approximately 11pm. If I'm out, and it's 11-ish, I get cranky.

I simply CANNOT hang out all night. Even if I'm at home-when my eyes begin to burn, I know it's 11ish.

Being fair, I have at times became so overwhelmed with sleep at work, that I've daydreamed about crawling under my desk and going to sleep.

I cannot stay up late.

Even in my 30s if I got 3-4 hours, I was set. Now I have to get at least 6hrs of sleep, otherwise I'm a beast.

I'm too old for that staying up late shit, unless I have something weighing heavilly on my damn mind, it's a wrap...I'm sleep.

Question: what is this shit? I'm waking myself up with my snoring??? When did that happen? Why is it happening?? I'm going to say I AM too old for that snoring shit!!

Club Evolution...are you able to stay up all night??

ITOFTS #1: CLUBBING

I'm not quite ready for the glue factory (my children may say different), however being in my 4th decade of life, I have now admitted that there are things I cannot do, that I was able to do before with little or no effort.

I CANNOT do the club scene

When I go out (reluctantly), the things turns me off:

• Secondhand smoke, yuck!
• Being cold if there happens to be a line outside.
• The age of the crowd...why do I want to see these skinny ass, trendybeautiful girls, laughing and tossing their hair (be it weaved or natural), wearing 5-in heels on concrete floor as if they're Jesus walking on water???
• Drinks, Hypnotiq and all that other crap. I have 1 drink, a bloody Mary w/xtra olives to soak up the liquor, if I drink -which is maybe twice a year.
• The paranoia attached with accepting a drink from a stranger (JUST SAY NO!). Rape drugs with all kinds of weird names...ur conscious one minute, and the next you're in a tub full of ice, with your kidneys gone! NO thank you!
• Xtacy pills-WHY????
• Rude ass waitstaff, trick do you want a tip or not?!
• Can someone tell the DJ 2 take his nasty mouth off of that mic, so we can understand what he's saying?
• Do you kiss your mama with that nasty ass mouth of yours??
• OMG...it's standard to have a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor?
• Why in the hell is that music so damn loud??
• I don't care if you're 24 years old, I'm not a damn cougar!
• Man you're 60yrs old, why do you have those huge CZ studs in both ears, a huge chain blinged out with CZ encrusted pendant in the shape of a Viagara bottle, and a Crown Victoria with spinners?!
• Sagging pants
• Police sitting in the parking lot and across the street, waiting for you to weave so they can take you to jail-and they can meet their quotas!
• The men. Period.

Members of 'Club Evolution,' what do you dislike about clubs??